Thirty-two days of football. One far more important question. We asked hundreds of female sex workers to rate the bedroom form of men from all 48 nations heading to the 2026 World Cup – well over a thousand verdicts in all. Forget the group stage. This is the only league table that matters.
Every four years the planet argues about which country plays the beautiful game best. We decided to settle a different score: who are the world’s great lovers, and who should be quietly substituted at half-time? The people we asked don’t deal in stereotypes or locker-room boasts; they deal in first-hand experience. Their verdict is in, and it rewrites a few reputations.
Not Brazil. Not Argentina. Australia. More than four in five respondents who have encountered Australian clients rate them “great lovers” – the highest share of any nation in the tournament – with barely a handful of “terrible” verdicts. Relaxed, generous, no fuss: the Socceroos of the bedroom have run away with a trophy their footballers can only dream of.
Behind Australia, daylight is in short supply. The United States, France, Brazil and Spain are separated by the thinnest of margins – each with roughly four in five clients rated “great”. France and the USA boast the lowest “terrible” rates in the field; Brazil proves it can do more than dance. It is the tightest title race the competition has ever seen… and a reminder that being a great lover, unlike winning a World Cup, is a game played well the world over.
If the bedroom obeyed the FIFA rankings, Argentina would be lifting the trophy. Instead the reigning footballing aristocracy finish a distinctly mid-table affair – barely half their clients rated “great”, one in ten “terrible”. The lesson of our tournament is clear: the magic that wins on the pitch doesn’t always make it back to the hotel room.
Some teams win ugly. Germany simply refuses to lose. They don’t top the table but they are the only nation in the entire 48-team field that not one single client branded a “terrible lover”. Zero. Around seven in ten rate them “great”, the rest “average”, and nobody walks away disappointed. It is the most quietly impressive number in the whole study: total reliability, never an own goal.
And then there’s England. Early in the count, England led the table by a distance… until we noticed who was doing the voting. Once we set aside home-crowd votes, so that no nation could be talked up by its own people, England’s lead simply evaporated. On neutral ground, barely two-thirds of clients rate English lovers “great” and more than a quarter call them “terrible” – a mid-table finish for a side that briefly believed it was coming home.
Here is the full standings, ranked by the share of clients who called them “great lovers”:
The World Cup of Lovers
All 41 rated nations, ranked by the share of clients who called them “great lovers”.
| # | Country | “Great” | “Terrible” |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  Australia | 9% | |
| 2 |  United States | 5% | |
| 3 |  France | 4% | |
| 4 |  Brazil | 6% | |
| 5 |  Spain | 9% | |
| 6 |  Germany | 0% | |
| 7 |  Colombia | 8% | |
| 8 |  Austria | 12% | |
| 9 |  Switzerland | 7% | |
| 10 |  Netherlands | 9% | |
| 11 |  Belgium | 8% | |
| 12 |  New Zealand | 13% | |
| 13 |  Mexico | 13% | |
| 14 |  Canada | 6% | |
| 15 |  Japan | 20% | |
| 16 |  Scotland | 18% | |
| 17 |  Haiti | 12% | |
| 18 |  Argentina | 10% | |
| 19 |  Sweden | 11% | |
| 20 |  England | 27% | |
| 21 |  Norway | 15% | |
| 22 |  South Korea | 26% | |
| 23 |  Croatia | 23% | |
| 24 |  South Africa | 15% | |
| 25 |  Portugal | 19% | |
| 26 |  Panama | 20% | |
| 27 |  Qatar | 25% | |
| 28 |  Ghana | 24% | |
| 29 |  Morocco | 28% | |
| 30 |  Saudi Arabia | 29% | |
| 31 |  Türkiye | 35% | |
| 32 |  Iran | 32% | |
| 33 |  Egypt | 30% | |
| 34 |  Algeria | 32% | |
| 35 |  Bosnia & Herzegovina | 25% | |
| 36 |  Czechia | 32% | |
| 37 |  Tunisia | 29% | |
| 38 |  Jordan | 38% | |
| 39 |  DR Congo | 37% | |
| 40 |  Senegal | 25% | |
| 41 |  Iraq | 44% |
Every tournament has its strugglers. At the very foot of the table, opinion is split right down the middle: for Iraq, Senegal and DR Congo, every glowing review is matched by a damning one. Not so much bottom of the group as a nation divided.
Zoom out and the map tells its own story. Oceania, North America and Europe are the tournament’s powerhouse confederations, with strong “great” rates and modest “terrible” ones. South America sits comfortably mid-pack. Asia and Africa bring up the rear, where “terrible” verdicts climb towards a third.
The World Cup of Lovers
Every rating pooled by confederation — a clear divide emerges.
| Region | “Great” | “Terrible” |
|---|---|---|
| Oceania | 11% | |
| North America | 7% | |
| Europe | 16% | |
| South America | 11% | |
| Central America / Caribbean | 18% | |
| Asia | 31% | |
| Africa | 28% |
A World Cup isn’t only about the team trophy – there are personal awards too. And on the night, the Americans cleaned up. American clients took most passionate, most respectful and took-the-most-time – and, by a mile and named by more than a third of respondents, most generous. The one award that eluded them went to France, voted the world’s best kissers by around a quarter.
The World Cup of Lovers
Who took gold, silver and bronze in each of the five special awards.
| Award | Gold | Silver | Bronze |
|---|---|---|---|
| Most passionate | Americans | French | Spanish |
| Best kissers | French≈ ¼ | Americans | Brazilians |
| Take the most time | Americans | French | Brazilians |
| Most respectful | Americans | Australians | Scots |
| Most generous | Americans> ⅓ | Swiss | Brazilians |
Erobella surveyed more than 400 active sex workers from Germany and the UK between 25 May and 7 June 2026, gathering well over a thousand individual verdicts on clients from the 48 nations bound for the 2026 World Cup. Respondents rated only nationalities they have first-hand experience with, as “great”, “average” or “terrible” lovers; to keep the contest fair, home-crowd votes were set aside so no nation was flattered by its own. Only nations with enough ratings make the final table. It’s a self-selected sample, so take it as a bit of fun rather than peer-reviewed science – though our respondents know the subject better than most.
