Nuru, Tantra and erotic massages in Braintree

Sitting pretty in the middle of nowhere, Braintree proudly boasts about its ancient wool trade and rich heritage while also being slightly miffed that people are generally just there for the outlet shopping.

Yes, Braintree Village (formerly known as Freeport) is basically Essex’s answer to Disneyland, if Disneyland were a collection of discount shops and a Costa Coffee. Forget castles and theme parks; here, the true magic lies in the chance to get last season’s trainers at 40% off. 

Braintree does have a bit of cultural clout, though. The Prodigy, the rave legends themselves, started here - because apparently the town’s nightlife once involved more than karaoke and kebabs. Keith Flint, rest his soul, must’ve found inspiration somewhere between the industrial estates and the bypass. Then there’s Olly Murs, Braintree’s cheeky chappy who swapped school discos for The X Factor. If you don’t know him, ask your nan - she probably fancies him.

Looking for your own little raver? Erobella is happy to oblige with some of the sexiest masseusses you’ll have the good fortune to come across (or in). Selena no rush OWO and A’Level makes it clear just how obliging she is and Emily love xxx is just pure fit.

Scroll up now to find your own happy ending. Word to the wise though, twisted fire starters are probably not the best way to go, singed pubes and all that.